A few months ago, I was cheering on a friend at a marathon when I saw a sign that stopped me in my tracks. It read, “THERAPY WAS ALSO AN OPTION.”

I laughed — mission accomplished, mystery sign-holder! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how true that message really was. People will run 26.2 miles, take up extreme hobbies, work endless overtime or reorganize their garage within an inch of its life — all to avoid the possibility of sitting down with a neutral, problem-solving professional who might actually help them heal.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of solid ways to cope with stress and trauma. But there’s a fine line between coping and avoiding, and in public safety, I see a lot of the latter. The old-school mindset — like my Marine dad’s rule that you only go to the doctor if the stitches he gave you in the kitchen aren’t holding — is fading, but not fast enough. We’ve got to get better about treating our mental and emotional health the same way we treat our physical health.

The Many Creative Ways We Avoid Therapy

First responders are problem-solvers by nature, which means they’re incredibly creative when it comes to avoiding the one solution that might actually work: therapy. Here are some classic avoidance strategies:

• The Fitness Fanatic: Working out is great! But if you’re literally running from your problems, maybe slow down and ask yourself why.
• The Overtime Overachiever: Staying busy at work keeps your mind occupied… until you realize you haven’t had a real conversation with your family in months.
• The Clean Freak: A spotless house is nice, but scrubbing your floors won’t scrub away your stress.
• The Thrill Seeker: Skydiving? Race cars? Gambling? If you’re constantly chasing that high, what are you running from?
• The Doomscroller: Swiping through endless memes about mental health isn’t the same as actually addressing yours.
• The Semi-Pro Bartender: If your coping plan comes in liquid form, it might be time to reconsider.

Growth Through Struggle: The Annual Wellness Check

The thing is, marathon runners don’t just wake up one day and decide to run 26.2 miles without any preparation. At least, the smart ones don’t. They put in long hours, pushing themselves through discomfort, knowing that struggle is part of the journey. They hire trainers, research everything they might experience, and lean on support networks to get through the toughest miles.

Life’s challenges aren’t all that different — we don’t have to go through them alone. Whether it’s a good counselor, faith, close friends or a well-trained peer supporter, having the right support system can make all the difference.

Just like an annual physical, it’s worth doing a regular check-in with yourself to make sure you’re on track mentally and emotionally. This isn’t about self-judgment — it’s about assessing where you are before a crisis forces you to. Here’s how to do it:

1. Reflect on your past and present. Are there experiences you still carry with you? What patterns do you see in how you handle stress or trauma?
2. Assess your mental and emotional health. Are you frequently anxious, irritable or overwhelmed? Do you feel numb or disconnected from others? Have you noticed deviations in your baseline?
3. Take stock of your coping strategies. Are your go-to methods actually helping, or just masking the problem?
4. Set personal growth goals. What would you like to improve — stress, anger management, relationships or letting go of past pain?
5. Check your perspective. When you look around, what do you see? A world filled with people doing their best (at least trying to give gracious assumptions), or a constant lineup of liars, manipulators and threats? It’s normal — and even necessary — in public safety professions to develop a healthy level of skepticism. But if you’ve started suspecting everyone — including your spouse, kids and even the family dog (who is definitely up to something) — it’s probably worth checking in with yourself. Some skepticism is a survival tool; too much can isolate you from the people who care about you most.
6. Decide whether you need professional help. If things feel out of control, seeking help isn’t weakness — it’s taking charge before things spiral.

Get the 10-Point Wellness Program Checklist: DOWNLOAD NOW

When Therapy Becomes a Necessity

Sometimes, the Band-Aid we’re using on that severed limb just isn’t doing the trick. If you wouldn’t ignore clear signs of a physical illness, why ignore serious mental health red flags? Therapy isn’t just an option — it’s necessary if:

• You’re having thoughts of suicide. If you’ve had thoughts of self-harm or suicide (or have even made a plan), please don’t wait. Get help now.
• Your mood or behavior has significantly changed. If more than one person has pointed this out, the common denominator might not be them — it’s you.
• You feel numb, detached or hopeless. If life feels empty and you don’t feel like yourself anymore, something deeper needs attention.
• You’re relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms. If you’re numbing yourself, avoiding people or taking unnecessary risks, it’s time to reassess.

Don’t let pride or stubbornness get in the way of your well-being. Your happiness, your family, your ability to enjoy life — it’s all worth fighting for.

Seeking Help: The Instruction Manual You Didn’t Get

We can’t expect to know everything about everything. My dad used to say, “You don’t have to know everything, but you do have to know who to call.” That wisdom applies to a lot in life — fixing your plumbing, handling a legal issue, and yes, managing your mental health.

Think about it: We’re perfectly willing to read the instruction manuals for our gadgets, follow academy training and learn from seasoned pros in our fields. So why not apply that same logic to life? A good counselor is like an instruction manual for your brain — except instead of confusing diagrams and tiny print, they give you real strategies to handle stress, trauma and whatever else life throws at you.

Not all clinicians are a good fit, and that’s okay. You need someone who gets your humor, shares your sarcasm, and isn’t afraid to tell you the truth (but in a way that doesn’t make you want to throw things). Keep looking until you find the right one — it’s worth it.

“We’ve got to get better about treating our mental and emotional health the same way we treat our physical health.”

The Bottom Line: Be as Good to Yourself as You Are to Others

You’re in public safety because you want to help people. But here’s the thing: You are people, too. And if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to keep taking care of others.

There’s no shame in reaching out to a therapist, chaplain or peer support team. There’s no shame in needing help. The only shame is letting stigma or stubbornness keep you from living the full, healthy life you deserve.

So, consider this your sign (since we’re talking about signs today). Therapy is an option. And it just might be the best one.